Often we feel like we could achieve more if we could just break through the barriers in front of us. A lot of times though we’re the ones placing those barriers. If you feel something is holding you back, you could be doing it to yourself. Here are three ways to overcome what’s holding you back.
What’s Holding You Back – Fear of Failure
One of the biggest things that holds us back is fear of failure or fear of rejection. What we often forget is that failure is often one of our best teachers. Fear of rejection and fear of failure has been a recurring theme in my life. It showed up in my business where I wouldn’t go out and actively ask people to be my clients. I was afraid they would say no and that kept me from asking. The first step was to stop worrying about it and make the ask. I don’t want to give the impression that this has completely gone away. These fears still stick with me sometimes and I must dig deep to find courage sometimes, but it does get easier.
If you’re holding yourself back because of fear of failure of rejection, it’s important to go make that ask, Be polite and professional to the person you are asking. If they say no, it’s not personal and has more to do with them than you. And if anyone takes real offense, they were probably not the right person for you to go forward with anyway.
What’s Holding You Back – Not Asking For Help
A lot of times we don’t ask for help because we’re afraid of being judged or of being vulnerable in front of someone we respect. When I started my company, I was afraid that people wouldn’t think I was good at running a business if I asked for help. But there were skills like marketing and sales that I needed some help with. Twenty years in the Air Force didn’t prepare me for those aspects of business. And the only way I was going to learn was to ask for help. I asked for help and improved my business.
If you feel like you need help in a certain area, the best thing you can do is ask someone. Most people want to help others when they can. Just about everyone loves sharing their expertise if we have reasonable expectations for them. If you need help, find someone knowledgeable and ask specific questions about your problem. Apply their advice and see what results come about for you.
What’s Holding You Back – Negative Self-Talk
The stories that we tell ourselves about who we are and the world around us have a great deal of influence over our attitudes and behavior. Our imaginations are very powerful and can serve us well, but they can also run away from us. Many people tell themselves, “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never be able to do that” or “I don’t belong here”. I engaged in this kind of negative self-talk for many years. This created beliefs that strained the relationships in both my personal and professional life.
If you tell yourself these kinds of negative stories, you can remedy the situation by separating facts from beliefs. What worked for me was taking a piece of paper and making 2 columns, one for beliefs and one for facts. I wrote down the beliefs I had held on to for so many years and then the facts that went along with that situation. What I found out was that when I looked at the cold hard facts on paper in front of me, the beliefs and feelings I had for so long just could not be supported by the facts.
I will be honest with you, getting past these barriers is not easy. It doesn’t change overnight and still takes a conscious effort. If you feel like you’re being held back look at these three areas and see if you’re the one holding yourself back instead of some outside force. Give these tips a try. Even if they don’t unlock whatever problem you’re facing right away, I promise that you’ll feel better about yourself.