Introspection
introspection is the ability that we as humans have that allows us to think about ourselves as beings. It is how we question and learn more about our nature, our purpose and our place in the universe. This ability is one of the things that sets us apart from animals. It also allows us to question ourselves, desire something greater, set goals and take action to achieve them. Self-reflection allows us to look back at an experience and learn from it instead of repeating it.

Introspection

Over the last year or so we’ve asked you to do some introspection or we recommend it as a tool to help with another problem or challenge. Looking back on it, I don’t think we’ve ever really talked about what introspection is and what it is not.

To put it simply, introspection, or self-reflection is the ability that we as humans have that allows us to think about ourselves as beings. It is how we question and learn more about our nature, our purpose and our place in the universe. This ability is one of the things that sets us apart from animals. It also allows us to question ourselves, desire something greater, set goals and take action to achieve them. Self-reflection allows us to look back at an experience and learn from it instead of repeating it.

Introspection Tips

We all engage in self-reflection all of the time, but sometimes it’s hard to know if we should trust ourselves. Here are some tips to give you confidence in your own ability to reflect and learn.

The environment we place ourselves in is really critical to self-reflection. Everyone is different, but most of us are served pretty well by finding somewhere quiet away from the noise of life. A place where we can be alone with our thoughts. I find it very hard to be reflective if I’m surrounded by other people, although that isn’t true for everyone.

Another key to effective self-reflection is carving out time in our schedules to do it. As much as we all try to multi-task, most human beings really aren’t all that good at it. Focusing on our thoughts and insights serves us better than trying to capture them while we are also doing a bunch of other tasks. Taking even five minutes to disconnect from everything else can pay big dividends in learning about ourselves.

Let’s recognize that we’re talking about self-reflection. Our process needs to be our own and not what someone else expects from us. While we may face similar challenges to others, what works for them may not work for us. It’s great to take advice from others how we should go about doing it. To be successful though, we have to develop our own practice that uses elements that work for us.

Introspection – Going Forward

Finally, let’s all keep in mind that self-reflection isn’t all about getting to the answers. Sometimes it’s more important to just ask the questions and not try to answer them ourselves. It can be as simple as setting aside our time and place and asking what is on our mind. Instead of trying to answer the question right away, just let ourselves see what answers come to us. The ideas and insights that don’t come from trying to find the answers quickly are often the most valuable!

We all made it through another year! The upcoming holidays are a great time for looking back at our successes and the lessons we learned in 2016. It’s also a great time to think about the new adventures we want to embark on in 2017. In this month’s challenge we’ll get you looking back at the past in a positive way. We'll also get you looking to the future in a way that will help you take action.

Looking Back & Looking Forward

We all made it through another year! The upcoming holidays are a great time for looking back at our successes and the lessons we learned in 2016. It’s also a great time to think about the new adventures we want to embark on in 2017. In this month’s challenge we’ll get you looking back at the past in a positive way. We’ll also get you looking to the future in a way that will help you take action.

Looking Back – December Challenge Part 1

Are you ready for this month’s challenge? Of course you are! Part 1 is about looking back over the course of the past year. Our goal with this part is to look back in a reflective way, but not get trapped in the past. We don’t want to dwell on the negative things that happened. Rather we want to focus on what we achieved and what we learned in 2016.

First, we’re going to make a list of the things we achieved this year. They don’t have to be big things, just things that you’re proud of yourself for accomplishing. I’m proud of finishing a good part of my MBA program and of strategic partnerships that I’ve made. I’m also really proud of the workshops I’ve done and the people we’ve helped all year-long. Big or small, it’s important to acknowledge ourselves for the progress we’ve made over the course of the year.

Next, let’s make a list of the things we’ve learned this year. These can be lessons about business, other people in our lives or even about ourselves. I learned how some of the things I do affect my relationships. I also learned that I can’t be afraid to ask for things, whether that is help for a project or bringing in a new client. Again, these don’t need to be life-altering revelations. We just want a list of what we’ve learned and how those lessons can serve us in the future.

Looking Forward – December Challenge Part 2

Now, let’s look at what you’d like to take a shot at in 2017! Part 2 of our challenge is to make a list of the things we’d like to achieve in 2017. They don’t need to be grand ideas or anything that’s going to change the world in a major way. We’re want to get excited about what we’d like to achieve next year. One of my goals is to get more involved in the community here in Las Vegas and meet more entrepreneurs.

Now that you’ve got your list of things to do in 2017, there is one more extra credit challenge for you. A lot of people make New Year’s Resolutions this time of year, but they can be hard to stick to. Challenge yourself to start on one item your list. Come up with at least three action steps you can take starting today to get you closer to that goal. If you start right away, you’ll be that much closer to achieving it when 2017 gets here.

It’s been a great year so far! We should all look forward to spending some downtime with friends and family for the upcoming holidays. This is a great time for looking back at the positive things that happened in 2016 and looking forward to the ways we want to challenge ourselves in 2017. Starting on those challenges today will bring the benefits to us even sooner!

We all face resistance from our ego to some degree. We know we should take actions in our best interest, but we find ways to put them off or avoid them.

Resistance: 3 Ways to Move Through It

We’ve been spending November talking about how we can get to know ourselves better. One of the more difficult aspects of knowing ourselves is understanding why we don’t do the things we should do in order to achieve our goals. We all face resistance like this to some degree. We know we should take actions in our best interest, but we find ways to put them off or avoid them.

The main reason we resist doing the things that we know will improve our lives is that our ego gets in the way. Our ego likes when we do things that are safe and when we stay in our comfort zone. When we experience resistance, that’s our ego trying to protect us from the scary things that are out there in the unknown. There are times when that serves us well, but there are also times when it holds us back.

Recognizing Resistance

Last month we talked about our fears and how we can understand and embrace that fear to take action. Recognizing resistance works much the same way, except that many times we don’t even know that we are resisting. We may make excuses that we don’t have time to do the things that we know will benefit us. Or we may convince ourselves that it’s not that important. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we’re thinking it through so that we can do it the best way possible.  When we find ourselves making excuses and avoiding action, it’s a sign that we might be resisting.

Resistance: Action Steps

Once we realize we are resisting taking an important step, we can take action to move through it. First, some self-reflection can help us find the source of our resistance. Find a quiet place to sit, close your eyes and ask yourself “what is it that I’m resisting?” It’s important not to try to answer that question with our minds. Our minds and our egos are the parts of us that have been preventing us from taking action. We need to listen to what our bodies, our hearts and the universe are trying to tell us. And it’s okay if an answer doesn’t come to us immediately. Doing this exercise regularly can help those answers come to us later on.

Recognizing what we’re resisting is an important first step, but that alone won’t motivate us to take decisive action. Our ego will take steps to keep us from stepping out of our comfort zone. To make our ego feel more at ease with taking action, we can start by taking very small steps. This will help build a sense of familiarity. Our ego will gradually get used to these new steps and will become more comfortable with each one. If you find yourself ready to take a big step and are excited to take action, it sounds like you’re moving in the right direction through resistance. If the feeling of resistance ever comes back, try taking smaller steps again to keep moving forward.

One thing we can be sure of is that as we move through resistance we will make some mistakes.   Our egos will use this to push back and tell us “I told you we shouldn’t try this.” Whenever we try something new, we need to approach it with the concept of “Beginner’s Mind”. Everyone who is truly great at something had to start at the beginning and had failures along the way. We shouldn’t think of ourselves any differently. When we have a setback, we can remind ourselves that we are still learning.

Resistance: Next Steps

Resistance is a natural part of our lives as human beings. Our egos are always trying to protect us from the unknown and keep us from taking risks. Ego isn’t great at telling the difference between unnecessary risks and calculated risks that can bring us great rewards. Deliberate self-reflection can help us cut through the excuses our ego makes and really understand what we are resisting. We can make our ego feel better by taking small steps and accepting that we’ll make mistakes. No matter what you may be resisting, remember you’re not alone and that we all feel resistance sometimes.

Lately we’ve heard a lot about how practicing gratitude can benefit our lives as well as those around us. I know from personal experience that being grateful for the things we have can be difficult. It’s hard to focus on gratitude when we’re overwhelmed with everything that life throws at us. That’s why it’s important to bring gratitude to the front of our mind with a daily practice. Making time for this practice and will help us develop a strong habit until it's second nature to us.

Practicing Gratitude

Thanksgiving is coming up this week and we all have a lot to be thankful for. Personally I’m thankful for my family, my friends, the great people I get to partner with on business ventures, and the nice life I have here in Las Vegas. Lately we’ve heard a lot about how practicing gratitude can benefit our lives as well as those around us. I know from personal experience that being grateful for the things we have can be difficult. It’s hard to focus on gratitude when we’re overwhelmed with everything that life throws at us. That’s why it’s important to bring gratitude to the front of our mind with a daily practice. Making time for this practice and will help us develop a strong habit until it’s second nature to us.

Practicing Gratitude: The Benefits

There are a lot of benefits to practicing gratitude. It makes us feel better about ourselves and it improves our relationships with other people. Amy Morin wrote in Psychology Today about 7 ways that gratitude benefits us:

  • Gratitude opens the door to more relationships

    Not only does saying “thank you” constitute good manners, but showing appreciation can help you win new friends, according to a 2014 study published in Emotion. The study found that thanking a new acquaintance makes them more likely to seek an ongoing relationship. So whether you thank a stranger for holding the door or send a thank-you note to that colleague who helped you with a project, acknowledging other people’s contributions can lead to new opportunities.

  • Gratitude improves physical health

    Grateful people experience fewer aches and pains and report feeling healthier than other people, according to a 2012 study published in Personality and Individual Differences. Not surprisingly, grateful people are also more likely to take care of their health. They exercise more often and are more likely to attend regular check-ups, which is likely to contribute to further longevity.

  • Gratitude improves psychological health

  • Gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. Robert Emmons, a leading gratitude researcher, has conducted multiple studies on the link between gratitude and well-being. His research confirms that gratitude effectively increases happiness and reduces depression.
  • Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression

    Grateful people are more likely to behave in a pro-social manner, even when others behave less kindly, according to a 2012 study by the University of Kentucky. Study participants who ranked higher on gratitude scales were less likely to retaliate against others, even when given negative feedback. They experienced more sensitivity and empathy toward other people and a decreased desire to seek revenge.

  • Grateful people sleep better

    Writing in a gratitude journal improves sleep, according to a 2011 study published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being. Spend just 15 minutes jotting down a few grateful sentiments before bed, and you may sleep better and longer.

  • Gratitude improves self-esteem

    A 2014 study published in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology found that gratitude increased athletes’ self-esteem, an essential component to optimal performance. Other studies have shown that gratitude reduces social comparisons. Rather than becoming resentful toward people who have more money or better jobs—a major factor in reduced self-esteem—grateful people are able to appreciate other people’s accomplishments.

  • Gratitude increases mental strength 

    For years, research has shown gratitude not only reduces stress, but it may also play a major role in overcoming trauma. A 2006 study published in Behavior Research and Therapy found that Vietnam War veterans with higher levels of gratitude experienced lower rates of post-traumatic stress disorder. A 2003 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that gratitude was a major contributor to resilience following the terrorist attacks on September 11. Recognizing all that you have to be thankful for —even during the worst times—fosters resilience.

Practicing Gratitude: One Method

Now that you know the benefits of gratitude it’s time to develop your own daily gratitude practice. What works for someone else, may not work for you. It’s important to set yourself up for success by choosing a routine that works for you. Rather than just provide a list, I’ll tell you about my daily practice. You can generate your own ideas from there.

My daily gratitude practice starts just about as soon as I wake up. After I take the dog out to play for a few minutes. I meditate in my favorite chair to get myself in a calm and open frame of mind. As soon as I’m done, before I even get up from the chair, I open my journal. I write down three things that I’m grateful for. Sometimes I’m grateful for the people in my life. It could be something I’ve learned, an experience, or that it’s a really nice day out. I follow-up what I’m grateful for with writing out some personal goals that would make today a really great day. After that I close my journal and start my day!

At the end of the day, write down three things that happened that were really amazing. Since I’m not perfect, I also write down at least one thing that I could have improved upon. I’ve been doing this for about two years now. It really helps me focus on what’s important instead of dwelling on little things that frustrate or annoy me.

Practicing Gratitude: Tips for Building Your Practice

Now that you have an example to work on, it’s time to go build your own gratitude practice. There’s a reason we call it practicing gratitude. It doesn’t happen automatically. Just like an athlete or musician who practices every day, we need to commit to our practice as well.

There are a few things to keep in mind whenever embarking on a new journey like this one. First, research tells us it takes most of us 45 to 60 days to build a habit. To experience the benefits of practicing gratitude, commit to practice through the new year until it becomes second nature. Also, a practice like this works best if we do it every day. If that seems overwhelming to you or hard to commit to, try starting with 3 days a week. Keep adding a day each week until you’re up to every day. Finally, building a habit also works best if we do our practice at the same time every day. If your schedule is highly variable, blocking out time each day can help build the habit too.

Practicing gratitude is a great way to find more peace and build stronger relationships with the people in our lives. It’s challenging develop a daily practice, but there are techniques we can use to set ourselves up for success. Even though practicing gratitude isn’t always easy, the benefits that come from putting the time in are worth the effort.

We’re getting to know ourselves better this month at Evil Genius Leadership and today we’re going to talk about personality testing, as well as personality types. There are a lot of different personality tests and a lot of opinions about personality testing in leadership development. Today we’ll look at how to use personality types to know ourselves better, as well as improve our relationships with other people.

Personality Types

We’re getting to know ourselves better this month at Evil Genius Leadership and today we’re going to talk about personality testing, as well as personality types. There are a lot of different personality tests and a lot of opinions about personality testing in leadership development. Today we’ll look at how to use personality types to know ourselves better, as well as improve our relationships with other people.

Personality Types and Personality Tests

Learning our personality type is a great way to get to know ourselves better while developing our leadership style. There are a lot of personality tests that can help us find out more. You can go online and find Meyers-Briggs tests, Big 5 tests, Color type tests, almost anything you can think of. Most of these tests use personality archetypes from Jungian psychology. If you’re looking for a free online test, you can go to psychcentral.com. Also, the personality trait definitions below are from their site.

Personality Types and Traits

When you take a personality test, you will find that most of these tests will show you how you score on a continuum of traits. The areas vary from test to test, but they’re almost always a combination of five traits: Extraversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, Neuroticism and Openness to Experience. Some tests may organize traits differently; for example, Meyers-Briggs tests align the traits on 4 continuums, but tell you the same information.

The 5 Personality Traits

  • Extraversion reflects a person’s preference for certain kinds of social situations, and how they like to behave in such situations. People high in extraversion are energetic and seek out the company of others. People low in extraversion — what some might call introverts — tend to be more quiet and reserved.
  • Agreeableness describes how we tend to interact with others, especially in terms of our altruism and friendliness. People who score higher in agreeableness tend to be more trusting, friendly and cooperative than others. People who score lower tend to be more aggressive and less cooperative.
  • Conscientiousness is how organized and persistent a person is in pursuing their goals. People who score high on this trait tend to be more methodical, well-organized and dutiful than others. People who score lower tend to be less careful, less focused and more likely to be distracted from tasks.
  • Neuroticism shows the tendency for a person to experience negative thoughts and feelings. People who score high on this trait tend to be more prone to insecurity and emotional distress. People who score lower tend to be more relaxed, less emotional and less prone to distress.
  • Openness to Experience indicates a person’s open-mindedness, and interest in culture and art. People who score high on this trait tend to be imaginative, creative, and to seek out cultural and educational experiences. People who score lower on this trait tend to be more down-to-earth, less interested in art and more practical in nature.

Interpreting Personality Test Results

Personality tests give you a score which will tell you how extroverted you are; how agreeable, etc. Looking at these scores together will give you an idea of how your personality traits work together to make you who you are. If your results don’t seem like they describe you accurately, ask someone who knows you really well to take a look. Sometimes it’s hard for us to accept our scores when we see them in black and white, but when someone we trust reminds us how we’ve approached life in the past, we can see a little more clearly.

In leadership, there’s no personality type or combination of traits that makes someone a better leader. Some research shows a very small correlation between extraversion and leadership ability, many of the greatest leaders in history would have qualified as introverts. So if you don’t score high on extraversion, you can still be a great leader.

Personality Types: Considerations for Ourselves and Others

The first thing to remember about personality types and personality tests is that they are not a psychological evaluation. They’re just a guide to give you some more understanding of your own personality. Next, it’s important that we use these tests to give us insight into our own personality and how we can grow to become great leaders. We shouldn’t put people in a box that limits their potential based on their personality type. It’s also important that we don’t use our personality type as an excuse to keep us in our comfort zone or let others on our team hide behind their personality type. I often hear  the excuse, “I’m not extroverted, I shouldn’t have to speak in public”. We shouldn’t let anyone, including ourselves, use this information as a crutch to avoid developing our skills.

I hope this gave you a little bit more insight into the traits that make up our personalities. We should never use this knowledge as an excuse for bad behavior or inaction. This helps us understand our resistance to doing what it takes to succeed. Just like we explored who we are, who we want to be and what we want out of life, knowing our personality type is another tool in our leadership toolbox that helps us know ourselves and develop our own unique leadership style.

Knowing ourselves isn’t just something we do once in our lives when we’re young and then leave it at that. As we get older we learn and grow. Our priorities change and shift over time. That doesn’t mean that we are abandoning our values or what we believe in. It’s just a natural part of life that comes with experience. Because of this, we need to recognize that there is no finish line that we cross at some point where we “know ourselves.” Every so often we should engage in some self-reflection to stay connected with ourselves as a whole and complete person.

Knowing Ourselves: November Leadership Challenge

It’s November which means that my birthday is coming up and I’m starting to think about who I am, where I’ve been and where I want to go to. Over my career in the Air Force I was often reminded that one of the most important things we need to know about leadership is knowing ourselves. This is often easier said than done. Sometimes we get caught up in the idea of who others want us to be or who we feel we should be instead of getting to know who we really are as individuals.

Knowing ourselves isn’t just something we do once in our lives when we’re young and then leave it at that. As we get older we learn and grow. Our priorities change and shift over time. That doesn’t mean that we are abandoning our values or what we believe in. It’s just a natural part of life that comes with experience. Because of this, we need to recognize that there is no finish line that we cross at some point where we “know ourselves.” Every so often we should engage in some self-reflection to stay connected with ourselves as a whole and complete person.

Knowing Ourselves – November Challenge

That’s what November’s Leadership Challenge is all about. We’re going to ask you to reconnect with yourself and dig into a few questions to really get to know you. To get started, find a quiet place where you can be alone without any distractions or influence from anyone else. This should also be a place where you feel comfortable being yourself. if you feel like the expectations of others at work or at home might impact the outcome of this exercise, maybe find a place outside where you can be comfortable with your thoughts. For this exercise we’re going to ask you to answer three big questions about yourself.

Knowing Ourselves – Who Am I?

The first question I’d like you to think about is “Who Am I?” People have been asking themselves this question since the beginning of time. It’s not an easy one to answer, but here are some smaller questions to get you started. What do I like about myself? What am I really great at? What are the areas I would like to improve for myself, not for others? When I think of my highest self, what am I like? Write the answers to these questions down in your leader’s journal.

Knowing Ourselves – What Do I Believe?

Human beings have asked for millennia “What do I believe in?” This is a question that only you can answer for yourself. Despite the expectations of others, your beliefs are your own. While others can influence what we think we believe, we often know when an idea doesn’t align with our own core beliefs. Ignoring this misalignment can often cause conflict within ourselves and with others.

This is another huge concept. Ask yourself these questions to get started. How do I view the world and my relationship with it? Do I see it as mostly a good place, a bad place, or a neutral place? How do I fit in with my family, my friends and my community? How do I approach my interactions with those people and the universe? What values or beliefs come to mind as I think about how I fulfill my role? How do I want to represent myself to others and the universe? Make sure you capture these beliefs in your journal as well.

Knowing Ourselves – What Do I Want?

Our last question is a little more tangible and easier to answer. “What do I want?” Although your answer may be different after going through the first two questions than if we had asked you this one first. So what is it that you want? Are you looking for a fulfilling career? Do you want a caring and supportive family? Maybe you want to be active in your community or a leader in your industry? Do you want to start your own business and take an entrepreneurial journey? Is there a cause or group of people you’d really like to help? Are there parts of the world that you want to see in your lifetime?

Don’t think of these in terms of setting goals and building action steps to get there, just think of them as things that you would like to do just because you want to. Write all of this down in your journal and think about how all three of these questions help you get an idea of who you are as a human being.

Knowing Ourselves – Going Forward

There are no wrong answers to any of these questions as long as we’re honest with ourselves when we’re answering them. This is pretty deep stuff and sometimes it’s hard for us to face up to it when we first think about it. If you find that you’re not really able to answer these questions right away, don’t worry about it. Put it aside and come back to it later. As I mentioned, these are ideas that we all have to come back to now and then so it’s okay if you didn’t answer all of life’s questions in this one exercise. What’s important to take home from this is that we should make some time to connect with ourselves and understand who we truly are as individuals without the pressure and noise of the expectations of others.

The last fear that we're going to cover is the fear of saying no. I hate to tell people no, but sometimes we have to in order to get the best outcome.

Saying No: Facing Fear

All through October we’ve been talking about the things that frighten us and how to face them. The last common fear that we’re going to cover is the fear of saying no. We all have it. This is one that I have a particularly hard time with. I hate to tell people no, but sometimes we have to in order to get the best outcome.

Why is it so hard for us to say no to people? Often we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or we’re afraid they won’t like us anymore. Saying no to our boss comes with some concern about how it will affect our career. The likelihood that someone will stop being our friend just because we said no to them is actually pretty small. Our real friends will understand if we can’t say yes to what they’re asking for. When we explain our reasons, they’re usually pretty cool with it.

As human beings we have empathy for those around us and we don’t want to hurt others feelings. We should consider though, will we be hurting that person more if we DON’T say no in this case? And when it comes to saying no to our boss, we could actually be hurting our company, department or our boss even more by holding back.

Saying No Scenario #1 – Peers

Have you ever had one of your peers ask, “Do you think this is a good idea?” Sometimes it’s not a good idea. The extreme cases are actually a little easier. “I’m going to stand in a bucket of water and hold on to these electric cables, do you think that’s a good idea?” That’s pretty easy to say no to. When the request is a little more nuanced it can be difficult to say no to our peers. We want them to like us. We want them to think we’re a team player and we want them to like us! How do we say no when our teammate has an idea that is not in the best interest of the team?

One way is to look back at our mission. Does this idea fit into that mission? Is it in the best interest of the team, the customer or the people we’re trying to serve? If the answer is no, that can be the basis for how to say no. You don’t have to limit yourself to just saying no. Thoughtful feedback to your coworker can get their idea more aligned with team goals.

Saying No Scenario #2 – As a Leader

Saying no if you’re the boss can be harder than it looks. Especially if you used to be on the team and then were promoted to being the boss. Looking  someone you used to work with in the eye and telling them what to do can be challenging.  Sometimes the people on your team will take actions or have ideas that you need to say no to. Just like with our peers, keeping the mission and best interest of the team in mind will help. Avoid being arbitrary about whose ideas you listen to and whose you reject. We want to evaluate suggestions and solutions based on merit, not on who brings them forward.

Sometimes you have access to information about the big picture that you should take into account when making your decisions. You may or may not choose to share this information depending on the situation. Don’t forget that one of our duties as a leader is to develop our team, so when you have to say no, keep giving that feedback on how that individual can make their idea or suggestion better so you can say yes in the future.

Saying No Scenario #3 – To our Boss

If saying no to our peers and our team is hard, saying no to our boss can be downright impossible. We owe it to our boss to ensure they have complete information or understanding of the impacts of a decision. We can ask, is this in alignment with our mission and in the best interest of the team? A lot of times the answer is maybe. Sometimes we have to pick our battles. If the decision won’t cause catastrophic failure or isn’t a clear violation of laws or regulations, maybe we let it go. If there will be a serious breakdown in accomplishing the mission or a clear conflict of our organizational core values, it’s time to speak up.

A technique that we’ve talked about before is the one challenge rule. The boss makes a decision, you speak up once to make sure that the boss has all the information. If the boss decides to go forward anyway, you said your peace and aired your objection. This may not result in the decision you wanted, but at least you tried to help your boss and your team accomplish their mission.

Saying No with Dignity and Respect

These are just a few examples of times you might need to say no to someone, but the principles are the same. When we do say no to someone, whether it is our peers, our team or our boss, we always want to do it with respect and dignity. Coming from a place of fear or anger can distort our message and break down relationships instead of making them stronger. We should always strive to build better connections with the people, even if it means telling them no.

Halloween is a fun time for dressing up and getting scared. When it comes to our professional lives, our fears can hold us back from living to our full potential. One of the most common fears that limits us is fear of failing. New responsibilities or opportunities that take us out of our comfort zone are a little frightening. Just like the other things that scare us, the actual failure isn’t as important as how we react to it.

Failure: Facing Fear

Halloween is a fun time for dressing up and getting scared. When it comes to our professional lives, our fears can hold us back from living to our full potential. One of the most common fears that limits us is fear of failing. New responsibilities or opportunities that take us out of our comfort zone are a little frightening. Just like the other things that scare us, the actual failure isn’t as important as how we react to it.

We avoid trying something new because we are afraid we won’t be good at it right away. We often emphasize “getting it right the first time” or “if we’re going to do something, we’re going to do it right”. There are times that’s important, but to grow we have to be willing to make mistakes. Also, like many of our fears, we have bad experiences in our past that we don’t want to repeat. Negative motivation is much stronger in our brains than positive motivation.

Failure Tip #1: It’s Probably not that Bad

The most important thing to remember when we don’t get the outcome that we were looking for is that in the grand scheme of things it’s probably just not that bad. If no one is dead and no one is physically injured, we’re probably all going to be okay. There are very few individual mistakes that can result in complete failure of our company or losing our jobs. It’s important to assess what the real impact of the failure is without exaggerating it or following it down a rabbit hole to an extreme worst case scenario. I’m not saying we should sugar coat whatever it is that went wrong, just avoid letting our brains spiral out of control on all of the negative possibilities that could occur in the future. We want to recognize what happened, correct it if possible and move on without dwelling on negative feelings.

Failure Tip #2: It’s an Opportunity to Learn

Failure is a great teacher. While we don’t want to dwell on the feeling of failure, or treat ourselves like we’re a bad person because we failed, there are many things that we can learn from NOT getting the things we went after. Some of the questions we can ask ourselves are:

  • What really caused the failure? Was it one thing or a combination?
  • Did we make assumptions that later turned out not to be true?
  • Did we have a good understanding of the environment and circumstances around us in regard to this situation?
  • Did we underestimate the impact our decision would have on others?
  • Did we underestimate the amount of resources we needed?
  • Were we too aggressive on our timeline?
  • Did we utilize all of the members of our team?
  • Were our expectations too high?

We can ask a lot of other questions to assess why we didn’t get the outcome we wanted. Remember, we are asking these questions to see what lessons we can apply to our next endeavor without judging ourselves. We may learn some things about ourselves that we didn’t expect and find some areas for personal development out of this process, but we shouldn’t cast ourselves as a bad person or a failure because we could have done some things better.

Failure Tip #3: Look Forward, not Backward

After a little self-reflection on what happened, it’s time for us to look to the future. If we have an opportunity to try again, let’s apply what we learned to do it successfully this time. If we found some things  improve, let’s pull out our leadership development plans and update them. Write some new short-term goals and action steps to address those areas. If there’s no chance to recover, it’s time to find a new project to put our time and energy into.

Failure: Next Steps

Nobody likes to fail, nobody. And we’ve all had our share of failures so no one is alone. We don’t want to let our failures prevent us from trying again to do some good in the world. As leaders, we also want to encourage others around us to do the same. When we don’t achieve the outcomes we desire, it helps to remind ourselves that, while disappointing, the situation is probably not all that bad. It never feels good to fail, but we don’t want to dwell on that feeling. We want to honestly evaluate the causes and do better in our next project. Failure frees us to move on to something new that might turn out even better than what we originally tried to do. Now that this endeavor is over, where would we like to spend our time next? Find a new challenge and take it on!

In this workshop, you will learn how to approach self, career, relationships and resources in a holistic way to enhance ALL of the aspects of your life. We will teach you how to leave behind the old attitudes and limiting self-talk that keep you from having what you really want in life.

Level Up Las Vegas! Workshop

Do you feel like there is something bigger for you?

Are you looking to live a full, vibrant life and you know that there is something holding you back?

Are stuck in a box with a certain aspect of your life and need to break out?

You have what it takes!  Sometimes all you need is someone to help show you how to do it.

In this workshop, you will learn how to approach self, career, relationships and resources in a holistic way to enhance ALL of the aspects of your life.  We will teach you how to leave behind the old attitudes and limiting self-talk that keep you from having what you really want in life.

JOIN US November 12th for a day of powerful PERSONAL DISCOVERY that will set you on the path to life you’ve always dreamed of!!

This event is an incredible value to spend an entire day with three experienced coaches for just $299. Sign up by October 31st and receive a $50 early bird discount on your admission.

Purchase tickets on EventBrite at:

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/level-up-las-vegas-tickets-28567710792.

Attendance is limited to 30 participants so sign up now!

Our three coaches for this event, Jason, Lisa and Robyn have made their own journeys by breaking through career, personal and financial obstacles and are dedicated to helping others live extraordinary lives.

If you have any questions, or are wondering if this workshop is right for you, feel free to schedule a 15 minute session with one of our coaches using the links below.

Meet the Level Up Las Vegas! Coaches:

Jason LeDuc is the Founder of Evil Genius Leadership Consultants and served proudly for two decades in the United States Air Force. He retired at the rank of Lieutenant Colonel in 2015. As an instructor at the Air War College Distance Learning Program he prepared 7000+ students to accept strategic leadership positions.

Jason LeDuc – Leadership Coach, Evil Genius Leadership Consultants

Jason LeDuc is the Founder of Evil Genius Leadership Consultants and served proudly for two decades in the United States Air Force. He retired at the rank of Lieutenant Colonel in 2015. As an instructor at the Air War College Distance Learning Program he prepared 7000+ students to accept strategic leadership positions.

Schedule an appointment with Jason at: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=12838254

 

 

 

 

 

Lisa Chastain has spent over fifteen years advising and coaching people from all walks of life. Her current life passion is teaching others to create abundance in their life by taking control of their financial lives. Lisa has helped hundreds of people find purpose, passion and take control of their own destinies. She is the co-creator of Level Up and will be a co-facilitator as well. You can learn more about Lisa at www.linkedin.com/in/lisachastain.

Lisa Chastain – Lisa Chastain Coaching

Lisa Chastain has spent over fifteen years advising and coaching people from all walks of life.  Her current life passion is teaching others to create abundance in their life by taking control of their financial lives.  Lisa has helped hundreds of people find purpose, passion and take control of their own destinies.  She is the co-creator of Level Up and will be a co-facilitator as well.  You can learn more about Lisa at www.linkedin.com/in/lisachastain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Robyn Eckersley coaches clients around the country to build legacies of compassion and philanthropic impact. She loves working with motivated Changemakers who are ready to take on the challenge of making this world a better place! You can learn more about Robyn at www.robyn.coach. Robyn Eckersley – Robyn Eckersley Coaching

Robyn Eckersley coaches clients around the country to build legacies of compassion and philanthropic impact. She works with motivated Changemakers to take on the challenge of making this world a better place! Learn more about Robyn at www.robyn.coach.

Schedule an appointment with Robyn at: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=12337521&appointmentType=2016960

Halloween is getting close and we’ve been exploring the things that scare us and trying to understand them. For some of us, going out and meeting new people can be really frightening.

Meeting New People: Facing Fear

Halloween is getting close and we’ve been exploring the things that scare us and trying to understand them. For some of us, going out and meeting new people can be really frightening. We get nervous and anxious just thinking about it. We might even start to shake or sweat when we are standing in front of that new person.

Just like we talked about with public speaking, there are very real reasons we get anxious about meeting new people. Primarily, it’s important to remember that our human brains are wired for survival, not friendliness and in ancient times a stranger coming into our village could mean danger. Our ancestors wouldn’t have lasted long if they automatically completely trusted every new person they ran across. Sometimes we feel like we might be bothering or annoying someone if we go up and introduce ourselves to them. Also, we’ve all had some bad experiences that stick in our mind and make us nervous about approaching people. The good news is, that we aren’t stuck with these feelings and behaviors. Once we understand them, we can accept them and use that knowledge to help us reach out to new people.

Meeting New People Tip #1: Other People Like Meeting You!

Our parents have all warned us about stranger danger. That’s a very safe and prudent attitude to take in the right situations. There are times when it just doesn’t make sense for us to start a conversation with someone new. The flip-side is that there are definitely times when it’s appropriate for us to say hello and make a new friend. It’s all about doing it in the right environment. Work functions, networking events or even a friend’s dinner party are all safe environments to reach out to new people. Even though you don’t personally know everyone there, they’ve all been vetted to some degree by the host. You shouldn’t have to worry about protecting yourself from physical danger. You’ll still feel a some anxiety that comes from millennia of human evolution, but you can work with it. Recognize it, accept it and tell yourself it’s okay to feel that way. You’re in a safe environment where everyone came to connect and share with other people. This technique won’t remove all of your nervousness, but you can practice it to make meeting new people easier.

Meeting New People Tip #2: You’re Not Bothering Anyone!

Some of us feel like we might be bothering or annoying someone if we just walk up to them and start talking. I can tell you that this is something that holds me back from introducing myself sometimes. There are a few tips we can use to help keep this fear from holding us back. First, at social events, most people have a purpose of meeting others just by being at the event. In a public place, like a coffee shop or library, most people expect at least some interaction with others. They will probably not tear your head off if you speak to them. In either case, we shouldn’t plan any specific expectation in mind other than politely introducing ourselves. It would be nice to get to know more about them, but it’s important to read the situation. If we are respectful and open when we introduce ourselves and they are too busy to talk, they will most likely very politely tell us just that. That’s a great cue to thank them for their time and walk away. If they have time to chat, even better. Again it’s important to read the situation, and that can be difficult at first. With experience and practice we can learn to read the verbal and non-verbal cues that tell us it’s time to politely exit.

Meeting New People Tip #3: Forget Those Bad Experiences!

Like many areas of life, we’ve all had bad experiences when introducing ourselves to other people. It’s unavoidable and it’s hard to let go of the memories. If these experiences didn’t bother us, we wouldn’t be human. The experience is not as important as our reaction to it and what we learn from it. When we feel these bad situations creeping up in our memory and giving us doubts, we can do a few things to keep us from retreating into our shell. First, tell yourself it’s okay to feel this way. Don’t worry about why you feel this way or if you should feel this way, just accept that you do. Now ask yourself, what did you learn from that experience and can it help you with what you’re about to do right now. If the answer is yes, is there a way to apply it to your next introduction. If the answer is no, give yourself some credit for doing some self-reflection and remind yourself that everyone is different. The person you are about to introduce yourself to is a completely different being than the one you had the bad experience with. There is no reason to expect that this interaction will turn out exactly the same way things have happened in the past. This is a new, unique situation. Don’t take away the chance of letting that new person get to know you because someone wasn’t so nice in the past.

Meeting New People: Going Forward

There are folks who are completely at ease meeting new people and then there’s the rest of us who get a little nervous about it. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with us or that it’s anything we should be ashamed of, it just means we need to accept that about ourselves and use the tools we have to help ourselves out. Human beings are social creatures and find relationships with others very rewarding on many levels and there are a lot of people out there who would love to get to know us. Understanding what makes us nervous about meeting new people leads us to clear actions that can help us take those first steps to introducing ourselves to someone new and starting a great new friendship.

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